I FOUND ME.

September 13, 2011

2:45 AM

For the fifth time, I went to the Crossword Bookstore at Pacific Mall, looking for yet another “Self-Help"book. These self-help books are the meant to help you and claim to make life better. Or are they? Rhonda Byrne and Norman Vincent Peale had been read. Now what?

As days go by, I am losing all my positivity. I am completely shattered, broken, devastated.

My two year old relationship has ended; I have fought with my best friends, and am not doing too well in the college either. Life has turned upset down and frankly I don’t have the guts to confront the world. I am dejected by whatever has happened.

LIFE STANDS STILL. I FELT COMPLETELY USELESS!

I have a distant hope that lingers, in me, that the day shall come, when I'll be chirpy, full of life, yet again. Poor me! I expect not to get hurt when hugging the cactus.

September 14, 2011

2:30 AM

After spending two hours and forty-five minutes in the mall, the previous evening, I picked up three new books today. One called "PEACEFUL MIND", the other is "KEEP CALM, and WIN" and the third one which really appeals me is "FEEL GOOD-Because hope never dies".

I am very sure this time, my choices won't disappoint me. And when I sat down to read, as usual I switched off the tube-lights (You know that I hate tube-lights! I like the dim bulbs, naa!), switched on the lamp, and sat to read. I realized, I must have a pen and a note-pad and note down all points worth remembering and trying. I opened my study table drawer to find a bold black pen. I moved my hands to find the pen, but my drawer was totally cluttered, in a mess. It was because of my negligence that I never bothered to clean up my room and as a result, I never find anything on time. The drawer is where I keep stationary, some greeting cards, and some old letters. But the whole drawer was uneasy and nothing was at the right place. And then I thought, if we keep things messy, it leads to confusion, waste of time and searching the desired thing, becomes time consuming and uneasy. And I don't know why, but I felt that my situation was similar.

“Is this the way, I have been treating my life too?” I asked myself.

My brain, if I compare, was exactly in the same state as the drawer.

Everything is messed up! The letters which meant a lot to me shouldn't really matter to me because to move on, i really need to discard these old memories which ruin the present.

“Those letters shouldn't have been in my reach. Just like those unwanted letters, even my brain and my mind had some unwanted thoughts, those negative thoughts which accumulated just because I gave it a space. Had I been a little more careful in choosing what is to be placed where, my life wouldn't have been tough,” I cursed myself.

I realized it was me and no one else.

It is rightly said, "You make your life great or pathetic, it’s just you. No one else!”

It was an epic moment of self-realization. I forgot that every failure is a lesson. Failures are not fatal and not meant to lose hope. It’s the God's way of showing that you are moving on a wrong path. It was my clumsy and cluttered drawer that became my biggest teacher today!

Had I been just a little more cautious in placing the things and my thoughts in a correct way and managing it tactfully, I would have been a lot happier.

Not wasting even a moment, I emptied my drawer, categorized the objects as WANTED and UNWANTED. The letters found their correct place, the bin. And soon, in less than 30 minutes, I was done! It was like; I wasn't just cleaning my drawer but my life. All unwanted thoughts have been chucked out and only what I am left with, my childhood memory album, some stationary, and my favourite silver anklets. The rest was in the bin!

I shouted, “Yes! Hello, HAPPINESS! Where were you? I missed you badly. Never ever leave me now!”

September 15, 2011

2:30 AM

Had an awesome day! Had dinner at “Spaghetti Kitchen” (the same PACIFIC MALL)

I have sorted out all my differences with Aashish, Raj and Vanya. We clicked a lot of pictures. After a long time had that group hug! I said, “I missed you three. I am sorry for being such a retard. I messed up my life. And then I blamed you all. SORRY."

Vanya said, “Will you mind shutting up! We missed you too. The same old you. You were the one, who has always made our lives special. Last two months were the toughest. We missed your text messages, our late night skype-ing, hogging together like crazy, and gate crashing the weddings. We missed you. And we are glad you are back! We love you. Be the same!”

The day ended.

15th September, 2011, the day I found myself back.

The old, stupid, foolish me.

Thanks to my messed up drawer, I realized that it was the time to DE-CLUTTER.

Published on www.21fools.com (E-Magazine)